in a stage of my life where my peers are getting engaged, getting married, having children, under going a quarter life crises, worrying about bills, shifting careers and a variety of things that "adults" have to deal with, i am apparently still too young to accomplish some things…yep folks, apparently i am still too young to go to Korea. i went to the embassy for my visa interview last oct 19. i wouldn’t say i was overly confident but i was a bit assured that it’s already finished. i was a bit nervous but i never imagined that i would get rejected. i was shocked , i was stunned , i was speechless for a couple of minutes after the balding (im not bitter, im just stating a fact) Korean consul informed me that i still need to work for a couple of years before i visit their country.

and after months of preparation, it finally came crashing down at me that i was not going afterall. to say that the whole event was painful would be a grave understatement. i didn’t care if i looked stupid or crazy crying on the jeep that night. i cried shamelessly and i just couldn’t help it. i kept asking God why he pushed me to keep going when he never intended to bring me to that country. i kept thinking how difficult it would be to explain to my MPD’s and my family and my friends why the heck am i doing in the philippines for the next two weeks. why God…why? then i was reminded of a verse that i made me realize how much he has in store for me:

isaiah 54:2-4 Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back; lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes. For you will spead out to the right and to the left; your descendants will dispossess nations and settle in their desolate cities.

Do not be afraid, you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace, you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. For our Maker is your husband–the Lord Almighty is his name–the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.

reading this verse reassured me of his plans and how his love never ended when the consul gave his decision. it may not be the time for me but i do know it will happen someday. im still grateful because i was able to build a great relationship with all my MPD’s. they were people i already knew before but i have a deeper relationship with them as a result of this. i am grateful for the support that my family and friends have given me for the past few weeks. and i am grateful becasue despite all of these, i know my God still loves me there are still some things i need to deal with myself, my family and my cell. i’m still excited for his plans for my life